Back in December I had a fall. Smash I went. Knees first onto concrete. I couldn’t make a fuss because I was playing at being a secret squirrel. Hubby and I had decided not to buy each other presents for Christmas. Long story short, FB market place, new digital camera, waited ’til other half out drinking with his mates, sneak off and get camera for him. I kept quiet about swollen, bruised knees and difficlty moving. Stopped my aquafit, balletand determined walking. Allied with smoking cessation my inactivity lead to weight gain (and unhappiness).
Move on to April. Tried increasing walking effort. Knees, especially left one, protested. Employed personal trainer once a week to tailor keep fit sessions for me. Took part in a colour run with duagheters and grandaughters, and that was the last time I lived day to day, and night to night, without knee pain. I did all the right things. Ice packs; anti-inflammatories. I contacted a private physio, she refused to ‘touch my knee’. Walking was extremely painful. Climbing and descending stairs was awful. Nights were interupted with intense pain, I gave in and consulted the GP. MRI. Complex meniscal tear. Bakers cyst. Medial, collateral ligament sprain. Start hoop jumping. See NHS physio. Refers me to surgeon. Surgeon recommends arthroscopy. He evn gives me the op date, 5 weeks away. Off on annual Portugal holiday first. Cannot walk, cannot even get on and off a sun lounger. Feeling quite low, but hope the op will sort me out.
Home. Phonecall to say that funding for my op has been refused. Why? I dont fulfil the criteria. ‘Which criteria?’ I ask. I haven’t been using conservative treatment for 3 months. What?????? Appontment made to see consultant, again.
Well, that was a waste of time. The consultant sat there. He had no idea why the funding was refused. There were no clues in my notes. He is going to reapply. How he is going to appeal, as he has no idea why it was refused, I cant begin to fathom. Where did the 3 month rule come from?
To say I’m low does not actually describe my mood. I’m hanging on in here, waiting the result of the ‘appeal’. My life is rubbish. I gave up smoking. I knew I would gain weight but I had my exercise. Had to stop my exercise. Weight starts going on, and on. Not good for damaged knee. I tried. I am caught in a horrid circle. I am living on anti-inflammatories and analgesics.
I know there are many, many people with life threatening illness, far worse off than I am. I keep pulling myself together, smiling and hobbling along. Currently though, I hate my life.
A Midwife's Muse 