This is less an entry and more an attempt to put work-life into perspective. It would easier to hide my head in the sand, bury myself deeper and deeper, and I have been trying that tactic, but avoidance is not my natural behaviour and just results in tremendous unease. I could continue to deceive myself and make believe that all is well, after all I have managed to keep my council on the RCOG calling for more women to be cared for in MLU’s; the ‘riots’, some other interested party wanting more obstetrically, trained physicians and the BBC’s Panorama programme about the midwife shortage, but a silly little incident has spurred me out of my silence.
Why am I in such a slough of despondancy? Well, the miasma of NHS bureaucracy has finally overwhelmed me, I am entirely embroiled in the totally mad maze of management which consticts every aspect of being employed in the health service, and it is frustrating me beyond belief. I am terrified that I could well give into panic if I don’t get a grip on all the ends which are snaking
around at will, needing to be organised, needing to all join up. The maze is constantly causing me to bang up against seemingly inpenetrable, prickly hedges so I backtrack and try another route, wasting more time and energy, only to meet another vicissitude.
I don’t want to be a manager in the NHS, I can’t imagine why anyone would want to, it’s a thankless task. Yes. There are too many managers but it’s all do with the way the NHS has developed, it strikes me that everything is kneejerk rather than planned by individuals who understand how the whole organisation functions. Nothing is radically re-organised, rather, another side-shoot is
grafted on to the already overburdoned branches. The new little side-shoot is given it’s task and it happily thrives, initially. It receives adequate nourishment and produces acceptable fruit. After a while the environment changes, the nourishment is rationed slightly but demand for it’s product increases. Initially the side-shoot responds by exploiting it’s reserves but they are limited and soon it displays signs of weakness. What to do? Look for stronger branches to share the workload, perhaps form a framework, no, just graft on another shoot to further drain the whole organisation.
Don’t expect any of this to make much any sense, it makes no sense to me so why should any innocent, who has never really experienced the NHS, understand this rambling. Many have tales of their encounters with the NHS, those at the receiving end, patients, or clients as we now have to call them, let me assure you working for the NHS is no bed of roses either.
Anyway, where was I? I don’t want to be a manager, but I do really, not for ever, or even a month, just a day would probably allow me time to formulate a structure which would enable me to work logically and efficiently. Mind you, the Trust Board would need to be disempowered during my frantic reorganisation, because I wouldn’t have the time to wait for them to rubber stamp my decisions, and I would need to be able to command co-operation from other drones but, given those criteria, I would be flying.
I’m just going around in circles. My new job is an absolute, organisational nightmare, I keep taking 2 steps forward and one step back. I have 2 different managers who act as if they function within 2 different organisations, although we all work within the maternity sector they carry seperate budgets, which they guard ferociously this impacts adversely due to others not appreciating that I cannot cross theoretical boundaries. I can’t go into detail so it possibly sounds as if I’m making a mountain out of a molehill, maybe I am but that molehill is wrong-footing me, constantly.
As if the actual working maze is not frustrating enough there is also the minor fact that, 3 weeks after I started my new role, supposedly on a contract, my new manager confessed to me that she hadn’t gone through the right process so Ihave been working on ‘bank’ since I started. I’m just wondering if this is a double-edged sword as it does mean that I could walk into my new managers office and tell her to stuff the job. The trouble is that if I can create logical working pathways the role is one that I would love.
P.S I’m still having real problems posting anything other than the title and category. Wrote this last night but it has taken me hours, literally to post it and it’s still a mess. I give up!