I have been scowled at today, so was my friend. Our grandsons, all aged just 2 were tutted about. Our crime was to go into Starbucks for a coffee and a chat after music makers. The local Starbucks is a large and irregularly shaped establishment, unlike the Costa Coffee, and this is why we chose it, we can go right to the back, around a corner and not disturb other patrons. Brilliant, our little area was empty, as was much of the cafe. The boys were also issued with instructions, no running, no throwing, no touching and stay next to the ‘Nannies’. After a while two middle-aged ladies came and sat about 15 feet away from our menagerie. The boys were doing what toddlers do, being quite noisy, nothing unpleasant, mainly giggling alot because they were playing peep-bo around the chairs within the area we had indicated to them. After a short while my friend caught my eye and indicated I should look over at the 2 women. Well, if looks could kill I would not be writing this. My initial reaction was to ask the boys to quieten down, but since my friend I were able to carry on a conversation without raising our voices I kept quiet. The next thing is that these two good ladies had vacated their seats, whilst shaking their heads at us and tutting at the boys, and moved to a different part of the cafe. At first I felt guilty but then the bolshie part came out. Hang on a minute, we were sitting there first, there were plenty of other tables they could have sat at but they chose to sit there. The boys were not being disruptive, they were not anywhere near them all they were doing was laughing and amusing themselves. At no time did they move anywhere near them, in fact they stayed in a corner with the width of the room, and friend and I, between our clan and the sour-faced old biddies (they were in fact younger than friend and I, but they were sour-faced).
It is ages since friend and I have ventured into a coffee shop, we have deliberately waited until we knew the boys could be controlled without tantrums and tear. Today was a trial run, a hope that we can start doing social activities again. The boys all behaved brilliantly, friend and I couldn’t have hoped for more from them, but those 2 women have ruined the moment of normality for us.
So, the lesson for today is that if you are a grandmother, with toddlers, do not go anywhere, even late morning, where there may be ladies who coffee as coffee houses are obviously their domain.
I find it’s the 20-30 somethings who don’t have kids of their own that are the worst. Let kids be kids – sour-faced women can have their coffee to go.
Vic – These women were not young, early 40’s perhaps. Younger than me and old enough to know better.
Don’t give up – in fact suggest to Starbucks that they follow the example of lots of coffee shops I’ve visited in Scotland, and supply a box of books and toys to make life even nicer for on-duty grannies.
MoTB – Good suggestion. I will give it a try next week.
Having an autistic son, I have learned that a good number of other people are… well… assholes. Ignore them and enjoy your time with grandsons. If they wanted to have coffee without the chatter of children they should have stayed home with their kettles!
I can be bolshie too!! 🙂
Nicola – Gosh, people’s insensitivity must be even more upsetting for you. Reflecting upon it I see that I am feeling defensive about the boys, as they were really well-behaved but that look was comparable to a negative comment about them. The look was also saying that we were wrong to take them into Starbucks, that, on a small scale, they should not be integrated into society. That’s wrong, but so much worse for you and Jake where socialising is a vital component of encouraging his ability to develop communication skills.
Don’t let it put you off. You paid for your drinks just like they did and you were there first! Sure they weren’t scowling thinking you were older ladies who had decided to have kids late in life? (Just kidding).
I actually get quite miffed at those who look old enough to have been there and done that on the kids front – and how they can often seem to have forgotten the toddler years…and how sometimes kids are just kids…..
Some people just have no perspective on kids/everyday life and kids learning through daily routines etc. And that is just their loss.
Sorry you had to deal with the old bags.
mumof4 – You may have been joking but last week Hubby and I were out and about with the boys and Amy when two older ladies, who had been watching the boys (a frequent occurance, people appear fascinated by them), stopped us at we left and said ‘well done’. They assumed that they were our children!
you need to go there every day until they get used to kids. It’s just awful when children are seen as a nuisance rather than a joy to have around. They have a right to be there, so have you. Just ignore these ignorant people.
cartside – My logic told me that they were wrong, but the female, guilt-ridden part of my psyche made me feel apologetic.
Don’t let the misery of others hold you back from stuff like this.
Also, you write beautifully – I could almost hear the giggles of your grandkids. 🙂
Karen – Thank you for the compliment about my writing, or perhaps the boys just have loud giggles?
Go there **each** day, if the coffers can stand the expense !
Hopefully the miseries will either learn to tolerate the normal level of noise from happy young children or they will vote with their own feet and stay away from the coffee shop………leaving you, your friend and the boys in peace to enjoy your visit.
If children don’t go to public places/social environments, how on earth will they ever learn ?
Elizabeth – The plan is to return every Thursday, maybe taking the odd drum, or 2, from music.
Maybe next time they should have that large double choc chip cookie with their Mocha Latte’s sounds like the 2 could do with a bit more sugar in their lives.
KT – Ooh no. Steering clear of the mini mochas since other grandson burned his mouth. Now that was loud!
I meant the lemon suckers not les enfants 🙂
People just like to complain about things.
I was out for lunch in a small caffee with my dad, my 8 week old, and a friend with her 4 year old grandaughter. My little boy started screaming because he was hungry, much to the dismay of the neighbouring tables – evil looks and people shaking their heads. So I discretely latched him on to feed him and a woman (the same who had given me evil looks when he was crying) actually told me I was a disgrace for breastfeeding him in public.
I don’t even waste my enegry on people like that anymore.
tuilelaith – How dare people? Does make you wonder what history surrounds them to make them behave like this.
I was also at the receiving end of disapproval today. Discreetly breastfeeding my baby, but being studiously ignored/disapproved of by a man who kept looking up from his copy of The Sun…..
Honestly, life really is too short to get upset about something as small as children behaving as children do. I could understand those two old biddies if the little ones had behaved badly, but I doubt very much that they did anything wrong at all.
There’s something wrong when people deliberately put themselves in the position where they can be upset about something (my sun-reading man was in direct view, he could have moved or even turned around).
Personally, I would continue to take your charges to the coffee shop – it’s hard enough looking after young children without being effectively ‘barred’ by other people’s behaviour.
Ishtar – The really tragic part of this is that someone reading the Sun would feel they had the moral highground in this situation.
Miserable old moo’s
I have a 2 year old and a 4 month old and find that I can’t really go into cafe’s anymore for 2 reasons.
1. My 2 year old is a lively spirited thing and that seems to upset and anoy some people.
2. I am breastfeeding my 4 month old and likewise that seems to upset and anoy some people!
Lets open up our own kid friendly cafe and make a mint!!!
Clara – We could open a whole chain of them. Have to think of an appropriate name. Any suggestions?
Oh I have been through this so many times (as a mother not a granny). Miserable lot!
Lisa – Don’t worry. This will soon be a thing of the past when Clara and I open our breastfeeding, childfriendly coffee shops!
How very frustrating, I have been tutted and sighed at with with 2.5yr old, I am very aware of his attention span or rather lack of it and have a selection of toys and things to entertain in my bag. I always get my coffee in a takeout cup even if I’m staying in so I can make tracks if I need to. I choose where I sit with this is mind and think others should do the same, you were there first, they chose to sit near you, hope you venture back to Starbucks or another coffee house soon – two fingers to the miseries I say! Go Nannies Go!