Archive for July 20th, 2009

Inane chatter

I am proficient now in talking absolute rubbish for hours on end, and it is so depressing. All I want is some sign that he hears me, that he knows I’m there. I don’t expect a conversation, or even a monosyllabic reply, a flicker of something, anything would be wonderful. Redfers GCS has fallen again today, so they did a repeat scan and discovered that there is now brain swelling. I wasn’t there when the Doc discussed the results but, from what my Mum and sister said, he was preparing them for my stepdad not to recover, did he mean he would be in a Persistent Vegetative State or that he is going to die? I wanted to chat to the doc this evening but there was not one anywhere. I have questions, I asked the nurses but they were unable to answer them. If his brain is swelling why aren’t they giving him steroids to slow it down or reduce it? When he starts twitching is he having small fits? Would an EEG be useful?

I’m feeling very down tonight. It doesn’t matter that he is my stepdad, I would feel it about anyone, but knowing the person whose essence is shut away is heartbreaking.


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