I’m on holiday, only I’m not going anywhere as I’m ‘orientating’ for my new childcare responsibilities which start in 4 weeks, the twins Mummy goes back to work then and I will be having the Boys for 2 days per week, I feel shattered just contemplating it. They are both commando crawling, pulling themselves up to standing and attempting to cruise around anything they feel may support them.
As I’m staying at home I (stupidly) gave the G.P’s surgery my E-Mail address in case something came up that needed urgent attention, and it has. A woman I had tried to book 10 days ago, but she had decided on a termination, has changed her mind, and is now going to have the babies, yes her scan pre-termination revealed a twin pregnancy. So, she didn’t want one baby, that would have made 4 children and she couldn’t cope, but now it’s twins she suddenly feels that she can cope with 5 children. I have major concerns about all this and so shall be spending half of tomorrow trying to sort out urgent appointments for her right, left and centre and visiting her to discuss her booking, care plan and the realities of caring for twins.
Anyone who regularly reads this blog may have guessed that I have an ‘unquiet mind’ regarding termination of pregnancy (TOP), especially when this procedure is used as a form of birth control, in my mind there are certain circumstances where I can appreciate that a TOP is perhaps a justifiable action, even then I often feel torn though. Abortion is a hugely emotive, provocative subject and as a midwife I have to try and appear as non-judgemental as possible, so my thoughts on the subject are kept to myself, my beliefs have to remain personal. This situation today has me erring on the side of termination for social reasons and now I am battling with myself over how I am reacting. Generally I am having to keep quiet, to support a woman in her decision to abort a baby, even though I feel an aversion to the concept. Now, for the first time ever I am considering that the best course of action here would be for a termination of pregnancy, and not just one baby but two babies, and the worst thing is that it is because it is 2 babies I am stumbling from my usual standpoint. If this woman believed that she could not cope, either physically, mentally or financially with 1 more child how does she now think that having 2, at the same time, will be better? Previously she has had TOP’s, her actions have demonstrated that another child was unwanted, so why have things changed? My instinct, I hope that it is wrong, is telling me that she she is going ahead with the pregnancy as it is twins and she is having a rose-tinted spectacles moment, picturing herself with 2 identical, perfect, attention-gaining babies. Are they wanted as two, individual babies or as an idealistic package, a celebrity concept? Being pregnant with twins, especially if a woman has other children, is difficult. Many of the usual symptoms of pregnancy are heightened, sickness can be debilitating; tiredness, mobility, day to day life can become problematic. Visits to see doctors at the hospital are frequent as there can be complications during the pregnancy. Premature birth is a major feature of twin pregnancies, and with this comes the possibility of prolonged time in NICU and perhaps health issues with one, or both, babies. Birth itself is far more likely to be by caesarian section, that in itself raises support issues, how much help, and for how long, is available? The list of issues goes on and on.
Basically I am worried. Worried for the other children, worried for the not yet born twins, worried enough to drastically change my usual thoughts regarding abortion.