No respite

September 30, 2008 at 12:20 pm | In Family, Ulcerative colitis | 7 Comments
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Daughter-in-law is now 37 weeks pregnant, she is well, slightly anaemic but nothing that a low-dosage iron supplement won’t remedy, but her stress levels are now rising daily. Her other half, our son, is now being admitted to hospital as his consultant has ’serious concerns’ about his health, apparently he will only be in for a few days. The plan is to treat his ulcerative colitis aggressively with IVI steroids, remedy the obstruction and perform further investigations. We are all doubly stressed, concerned about son and his health but equally really worried about DIL, and trying to support her whilst keeping fingers crossed that baby doesn’t decide to come before 40 weeks. This is the last thing she needs at the end of her pregnancy, my heart goes out to the pair of them and I am hoping, hoping, hoping that whatever concoctions the hospital pump into son work a minor miracle and see him improving, quickly.

What I forgot to record in my blog was what happened to Jack, Izzy and their Mummy on Sunday. ( I sometimes feel as if I may be in a ‘Neighbours’ or ‘Eastenders’ storyline ). We were all invited to a family friend’s off-spring’s 1st birthday party. Hubby and I arrived, on time, but then daughters were later and later, I was getting quite irritated by their tardiness. Friend’s daughter said that she had 2 missed calls from one of my daughters, and when I checked so had I, so I phoned her. Very weepy daughter, screaming children, someone had just hit their car head-on and they were stuck down a country lane. Luckily other daughter had answered her phone (!) and her other half was on the way to retrieve them, I threw my car keys at Hubby and sent him off to join in the rescue expedition. Long and short, daughter has whiplash and chest bruising, car is a write-off but other woman has admitted it was her fault as she was on the wrong side of the road entirely. Daughter’s partner was in France, and uncontactable, boy, did he get in the ear when he landed yesterday! We are counting lucky stars though, it could have been so much worse.

In the dumps

September 26, 2008 at 10:28 pm | In Miscellany | 6 Comments

Status Quo – Down Down

This just about sums up my current mood. A good night’s sleep, and hopefully a lie-in will see me more upbeat.

On stand-by

September 21, 2008 at 9:31 pm | In Family, Musings, Ulcerative colitis | 7 Comments
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The birthing ball is inflated, the TEN’s has a new battery, the raspberry leaf tea is on the menu, and the pushchair has been taken to heir home. Yes, DIL is 36 weeks pregnant and the final preparations have been made for the arrival of Grandchild number 6. The longest we will have to wait to meet ‘Tinkerbell’ is 6 weeks, if s/he arrives on time it will be 4 weeks today, I’ve got butterflies just thinking about it!

Son is still unwell, his iron count is way down so he was in hospital on Thursday having an iron infusion, he is not noticing any improvement yet but apparently it can take a few day for any benefit to manifest. He is seeing his consultant again this week, he has ulcerative colitis, I hope that she can work a miracle and that he will be back to full health, or at least approaching it, by the time their baby arrives, otherwise I’m not sure how well he will cope. Plus I feel so sorry for DIL, all the attention and concern is for him when it should be her who everyone is ‘fussing’ over, but people are so shocked by Son’s appearance that it is him who people cosset. I chatted to her about it today and she said that it didn’t bother her, her problem as that Son is so short-tempered. We all know that this is his way of coping, he is frightened that if he lets his guard down he will become depressed so he responds by being angry, but it must be really difficult having to live with someone who is like that a lot of the time. This flare-up has been unremitting and so far has lasted over 6 months, he has lost nearly 3 stone in weight, he was slim to begin with and it is so sad to see this really active young man have to give up all his sport and physically change so rapidly. I think his health has influenced their decision to ask me to be at the birth of their baby, having someone else there will, hopefully, reduce the pressure on him, I think that DIL anticipates that he may not be able to provide as much support as she may want.

Must stop talking about this now, I can get quite emotional. He may be a grown man, a husband and soon-to-be Daddy, but when it comes down to it he is still my little boy and my instinct is to try and stop whatever is hurting him, and I can’t.

Entitlement to care

September 20, 2008 at 8:53 pm | In Maternity Services, NHS, Rants, Winds me up, Work | 8 Comments
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‘Free at the point of use’, but only in certain circumstances, that’s the NHS today. Yes, it was a good idea to stop ‘health tourism’, where anyone who could not afford healthcare in their own country could present in the UK and use the NHS free of charge, but recently I have come across a case which causes me real problems.

A born and bred UK citizen, K, goes on holiday to a non-EU country, meets the ‘man of her dreams’ and in due course they marry. K now lives in the man’s homeland, frequently returning home to the UK as her Mother has a chronic illness and she shares in her Mother’s care with her siblings. Her Mother now has a malignancy for which she has had surgery and is now undergoing chemotherapy. K is pregnant,she had all her early care, including the nuchal translucency scan, abroad but has now returned to the UK to help care for and support her Mother. She has no idea how long she will be here, it is dependant on whether her Mother responds to her treatment.

Why have I got a problem? Well, the G.P surgery that she is still registered with, and has been since she was born, have said that if they have to provide her with any care they will charge her and that they are notifying the Trust about her non-resident status and anticipate that she will have to pay for her maternity care.

I’m angry, and really upset about this, to me it seems terribly unfair. K is here because her Mother needs her, she is actually helping out by providing the type of support the NHS would have to provide for her Mother if she were not here. K is not a health tourist, she is here out of necessity at a time when she happens to be pregnant. Here we are, bemoaning the high maternal and neonatal mortality rates in other countries due to a lack of accessible, free antenatal care, telling a UK citizen that if she wants maternity care she will have to pay for it.

I am incredulous about the whole ridiculous, disgraceful situation and basically I blame the money-grabbing G.P surgery. They could have kept quiet, they did not have to open their greedy, little mouths but, oh no, in the face of an opportunity to scrabble in a bit more money they just couldn’t resist it. What ever happened to the kindly, family G.P of just a few years ago?

Ramble on

September 17, 2008 at 7:31 pm | In Miscellany | Leave a Comment
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Ramble On the Hobbit

Led Zeppelin.

Takes me back.

Fits my mood.

Birth Plan

September 14, 2008 at 9:44 pm | In Birth, Musings, childbirth | 19 Comments
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What is a plan? Well, we had an extension built. We employed an architect, we told him what we wanted, he did some lovely drawings, full of measurements, specifications and loadings etc. We spoke to a few builders who looked at all the lovely drawings and few weeks later told us how much it would all cost and how long it would take to do it. Then we sent our drawings to the council, out came a man, he looked around and then wrote us a letter saying we could have what we wanted but due to the soil and how our house, and our neighbours houses looked we would have to make some changes to our plan, not major, we would still end up with the extension but the preparations (footings) and the finishing (rendering) would have to be slightly more intricate. Back to the architect, he made the changes on the drawings, back to the builder, he made adjustments to the costs and the time it would take, both increased. Our plan was ready. Needless to say it took longer and ended up more expensive, both of which we knew would happen. The weather affects the pace of building; third parties like suppliers, sub-contractors and the need for visits at certain times by the building inspector will affect progress if they are late delivering or attending. Did we consider that us or the builder had failed because we hadn’t kept to our plan? No, we were realistic and, most importantly we had the end result that we had desired, our extension.

Back to the eponymous birth plan, I think that that it should be named something different. When my children were younger they had a book called ‘ Would you rather?’ by John Burningham, it posed dilemmas like ‘ would you rather eat spider stew, slug dumplings, mashed worms or drink snail squash?’ ( it is still available but in an updated version ) I think that Birth Plans should be named ‘What I would rather’. It would go along the lines of – I would rather be able to move freely than have to stay on a bed. Or perhaps it should be an informative questionnaire to be filled in by the woman -

  • Do you want to be mobile in labour ? Many women find that this helps them to cope better with contractions and can help labour to progress faster. If your baby needs to be continuously monitored it may be difficult to do this if you are moving around.
  • Do you want to use gas and air? The research suggests that it does not affect baby. When you stop inhaling it the effects wear off immediately. Some women experience nausea/vomiting when using it.
  • Do you want an epidural? The advice is not to have one before you are in active labour. You will need to have a cannula (small plastic tube) put in a vein. Research has shown that they may cause labour to be longer, and make it more likely that you may need help to give birth, but if it works it will get rid of the pain of contractions. Some labour wards have a limit on the number of women on labour ward at any one time who may have an epidural as they need more intensive monitoring. An epidural needs to be put in by an anaesthetist, he may not be immediately available. If the midwives or doctors believe that you may have a longer or more difficult labour they may suggest that you have an epidural.
  • Do you want your ‘waters’ to be broken. There is no proven benefit from this procedure if all is straightforward but it may be necessary if you are having an induction of labour or there is need to monitor baby by putting a clip on to his head……..

and so on.

Why this musing? I really hate it when women feel that they have ‘failed’ because their birth didn’t go the way that they had planned and over the last three days I have spent a lot of time de-briefing women because of this disappointment with themselves and/or the staff. Back to our extension, we got what we wanted in the end, we had to compromise on some choices, we can look back and say that it would have been nice if it had finished earlier, that it had kept within budget, but in the end we had a positive outcome. Our plan was flexible, it was a case of ‘we would rather, but we are content’, I wish that birth plans could be viewed in that way and that women could view the outcome, a healthy Mum and baby, in the same way.

Parentcraft

September 11, 2008 at 9:28 pm | In Maternity Services, Midwifery, Musings, Work | 6 Comments
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I love facilitating antenatal classes, it must be the frustrated actress in me. I taught them solidly for 10 years, couples, teenagers and active birth, they were all rewarding and for the majority of the time fun. I’ll admit that when I was shifted to my new patch, and the classes were held on a Wednesday so my job-share always had to do them, I was quite happy, I had got bored with the repetitive nature of the information. It’s now been 18 months though and, other than a few ‘one-on-one’ sessions with couples who were traumatised by previous birth experiences, my educational aids have sat, gathering dust, in my dining-room. On Sunday I gave son and DIL a quick, uncomplicated birth chat. They had been to their first parentcraft class that week and were less than impressed with it’s content and the fact that the midwife dismissed all questions with a ‘you don’t need to know that, or a ‘you’ll cope with that if it happens’ attitude. Well, yesterday they had the ‘complicated labour and birth’ session which should have covered induction of labour, interventions, ventouse, forceps, caesarian section and epidurals, and when son recounted the class to me I was reduced to tears, of laughter. Son was not impressed by my hilarity, and bought me up short by reminding me that ‘it was alright for him as he had me to give them all the information, but the others weren’t as lucky’. What I was laughing about was the description of the midwife’s behaviour when she was talking about a stretch and sweep. Apparently, whilst she was talking, she had the demonstration pelvis on her lap and was absent-mindedly doing the motions a midwife would undertake when carrying out the stretch and sweep, the 2 fingers together, them straight and moving forward and then rotating, all within the pelvis. I was laughing at this due to the fact that I could identify with this, I’m one of those people who use their hands a lot when speaking. Son went on though, he was fixated by watching the midwife as, by the end of her description, her fingers, then hand and wrist were disappearing into the pelvis and appearing out of the top. He was very concerned for all the women in the class, by all accounts they were all wide-eyed, and transfixed by the spectre of a stretch and sweep which wouldn’t be out of place on ‘Vets in Practice.

Back to being serious now, obviously the classes they are attending are not fulfilling their purpose, and this makes me feel sad, frustrated and angry. As son pointed out I can rectify the short-comings for him and DIL, I can’t for all the other couples. Those couple’s time as been wasted, their expectations not met, and possibly their opinion of midwives and their faith in the maternity unit put into question. I don’t blame the midwife, I blame the expectation by the service organisers that all midwives should facilitate these classes. The midwife knows all the information, she has been a midwife for many, many years but this does not mean that she is comfortable standing (or sitting) in front of 20 – 30 people and passing on her knowledge in an interesting form. Years ago we had a antenatal class co-ordinator, that was her only role. She would organise all the classes, design and provide the resources and be the contact point for all the women attending and the midwives conducting them. The midwives who facilitated the classes would have put themselves forward as wishing to incorporate this condensed information giving role into their practice, therefore they were motivated and enthusiastic, ideal for making the classes well-structured, appropriate and stimulating for the participants. This system was abandoned locally several years ago, obviously a money saving exercise. The co-ordinator role was abolished and it is now a piece-meal approach with equipment that is old, and often broken and midwives who feel ill at ease communicating to a room of people and so rely on ancient videos, one I’ve seen dates back to the 1970s, to fill in the time allocated to this important element of preparation for labour, birth and those first few days with baby. No wonder the NCT are so popular.

Friendship

September 10, 2008 at 10:01 am | In Musings | 11 Comments

Something strange happened to me yesterday, I lost a friend. I didn’t lose them in the they ‘died’ physically sense, I lost them in the ‘we have grown so far apart’ that I feel I don’t really know, or understand them anymore. We still have all the same connections and history but the ease, the understanding, the not having to think what to say, even that special not needing to make conversation element has just gone, I was finding them hard work. I feel sad about it, there is a little part of me, my life, that has vanished. It’s not as if we had an arguement or a disagreement, nothing unpleasant was said but things were different. I’ve been musing on it, trying to analyse my feelings and it’s as if they have become a different person, someone I would have as an aquaintance due to work but would never chose to have as a friend. Perhaps it’s me that has changed or it may be that, like an old married couple, we have grown apart but it just seems to have happened so quickly. I’m not the only person to have commented on my friend’s change though, they met one of my daughters, and before I even mentioned my disquiet to daughter she had gone off on a little rant about them as they had upset her and that is not the person I knew.

What do I do? I said to Hubby that I couldn’t even me bothered to speak to them, that I wasn’t worried about not having them around anymore, but that’s not true, I just want my old friend back.

Happy, surprised and honoured.

September 8, 2008 at 9:20 pm | In Birth, Family, Midwifery | 15 Comments
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I have been given an award, by Geepeemum, and it gave me a lovely warm feeling.

The rules of the award are:

  1. The winner can put the logo on his/her blog.
  2. Link the person you received your award from.
  3. Nominate at least seven other blogs.
  4. Put links of those blogs on yours.
  5. Leave a message on the blogs that you’ve nominated.

7 other blogs?

Town Mouse

Punctuation

Flighty

Lisa’a Place

Cartside

Mumof4 (even if she has disappeared)

Mum of 4’s Blog

Something even more stupendous has happened though, the unasked question I’ve had wriggling around in my brain for the last 30 weeks has been answered. Big family meal yesterday and Son and DIL arrived first, complete with a beautiful bouquet of flowers for me, DIL was in need of an antenatal check-up so I went through all the ‘routine’ and as usual asked if there were any questions. There were, what did I think of TENs machines, off I went into my little chat about ‘anything’s worth a try’. Practice putting it on and how the controls work before you’re in labour, make sure that you start using it as soon as you think you may be in labour as it works by ‘tricking’ the brain and reducing the recognition of pain from contractions, it’s called the Gate theory etc. Out came my demonstration pelvis and off I went showing the reason that lying down restricts the possibilities for the joints within the pelvis to move and so allow for an increase of the internal dimensions. Have you thought of using water to help with pain-relief? I was on a roll, then DIL stopped me in my tracks, ‘ You will be there won’t you?’. After checking that they were really asking me to be with them when their first baby, and my 6th grandchild, was born I jumped-up, hugged them both, and burst into tears, so did DIL. I know that I was happy, and I think that my happiness was making her happy. Now all I’ve got to do is discuss it with the powers that be, that will be fun – not.

A wilting midwife

September 5, 2008 at 10:05 pm | In Family, Maternity Services, Midwife, Midwifery, Musings, Twins, Work | 8 Comments
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My life is passing in a positive blur at the moment. I’m hoping (fingers crossed) that I am starting to get into the swing of my new twin caring responsibilities and keep up with everything else as well. I was never a particularly organised, routine sort of Mum but I have to admit that this appears to be the key to minimising some of the stress associated with two, energetic, crawling bundles of fun. Of course this doesn’t stop them excavating the coal skuttle, knawing on the contents and then padding it over my pale oatmeal, coloured carpet. They have succeeded in breaking the ’kiddy-proof’ safety locks on the cabinets, they have discovered how to turn-on the music centre but on the plus side they are helping me in my quest to lose weight. They are still reluctant to let Nanny leave the room, and just to really tug at the heartstrings Louis has learned how to say ‘Nan’. Jamie is so close to taking his first steps but is reluctant to do it yet, perhaps he is waiting for his brother to join him in the upright world. Although they are both starting say the odd everyday word I’m sure they have already got their own private little language. On Wednesday Louis headed off down the hall and then stopped and babbled at Jamie, who giggled, and then at exactly the same time they both headed on toward the stairs, where the stairgate had been left open. Sure they were planning an expedition into forbidden stairworld.

Job-share has been on holiday for the last two weeks so work has been more demanding, especially as one of our women has been playing hide and seek with everyone who has an interest in her, and her baby’s health. There are social problems, her existing insulin, dependent diabetic status, drug abuse, and her heavy smoking confounding the issue, right from the start of her pregnancy we knew that there ‘may be trouble ahead’, and we were right. She has always been a diabetic who does nothing to control her condition, to the extent that she has, at aged 19, already got badly damaged kidneys. The specialist diabetic nurse at the surgery had warned us that K was a persistant non-attender and very poorly controlled but we were sure that her pregnancy would cause her to take better care of herself, how terribly wrong we were. Immediately she was failing to attend consultant appointments at antenatal clinic, we were phoning her, arranging new appointments, involving her G.P, going round to her home, she was always very pleasant, apologetic, and full of assurances that she would go next time. Eventually it was working out that everyone was going to her, except the consultant and the sonographer. Guidelines were quoted and job-share was ‘ordered’ to refer to Social Services, it was at this point that K admitted to her drug habit, no idea why, does she want this baby I wonder? Finally she attended for a scan, the baby is very small, currently at 34 weeks esimated at two and a half pounds so she has been admitted to hospital for daily monitoring, will she stay, will baby be alright, will it be allowed to stay with her? Should it be allowed to stay with her?

Then today I received this comment -

Well, what can I say? I left midwifery after 18 years and feel nothing but relief. Yes it was a long and protracted decision, about 8 years! My husband, and finally my children, were so fed up of me going on about the stress, conditions, safety and shifts they said ‘Well do something about it’. Unfortunately you can’t change anything as managers don’t want to hear it. You are told to prioritise between a woman bleeding and a woman pushing while they sit in their office! Years ago as a nurse I remember the Nursing Officer rolling her sleeves up and helping when we were short or busy, but that doesn’t happen now. We were told we should be reading our emails daily but how can you do that when you come on duty to a full ward who are all in labour or want to go home asap? I will miss the women and my hardworking colleagues, but not the nights and days in the same week, missed breaks, staff shortages, being rang at home to come in,lack of training opportunities (as the budget was halved)etc etc.

Sorry if I sound so negative. I had some wonderful years as a midwife and loved teaching new ones but I deserved a break! I feel a bit sad when pregnant women ask ‘Why did you leave?’

What do I think? I believe that this midwife is voicing the feeling of the majority and I am sooo jealous that she has been able to step away from the situation.

Just to really end the week on a downer, my giant sunflower been snapped off at the base.

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