Breastfeeding in public – a perogative
June 16, 2008 at 7:14 pm | In Musings, Rants | 15 CommentsTags: Breastfeeding in public
Call myself a midwife and it’s taken me all day to write about the new law permitting women to breastfeed in public places, well I’ve been busy with Amy and the twins, and anyway I was incredulous that such a law had to be passed. On my wanderings around the web I came across this site which has a page about attitudes and practices in other countries concerning breastfeeding in public, should we really have to worry about this, why have some people got such a problem with it? I feel that it mainly stems from those I regard as the ‘upfront brigade’, those determined to advertise the fact that they are breastfeeding by ensuring that they display as much lactating breast tissue as possible in the most central. public area available. Breastfeeding in public, or rather breastfeeding when baby wants a feed, in a comfortable place, without having to resort to public lavatories or thick undergrowth, does not require everyone in the vicinity being unable to ignore it, it is not something to be ashamed of but equally it is not something that demands undue attention seeking. I know that this may seem rather ‘prudish’ perhaps but I do believe that some consideration should be given to those members of the public who find a woman exposing a breast in the middle of Bluewater embarrassing. They are not disapproving of breastfeeding, they may just have been bought up at a time, or in a society where the exhibition of the more usually covered parts of the female anatomy is unknown. There is nothing new about breastfeeding in public, when my babies were still reliant upon me for their nutritional needs I would often end up feeding in public places, but I doubt that anyone around was aware what I was doing, unless they studied me, and I never had any disapproving look or comment. Equally my daughters would both feed their babes when out and about, except the twins. Their Mummy was reluctant to do this, as she found that when breastfeeding two babies at the same time it was impossible to be discreet, and she really did not want to display herself so obviously in public.
Si, I’ve been busy defending the right of the more reserved in society to not have breastfeeding visuals thrust upon them, when I came across this gem from a really nasty, pr*t, Roshan Doug in Birmingham, “Breastfeeding in public is all wrong”, so apparently, according to Mr Doug are children in restaurants, feminists, by association the husbands and children of women who breastfeed in public and a Greek restaurant near Covent Garden. He recounts that “… a long-skirted Bohemian woman at a near-by table who has decided that, not only is she going to have dinner with her baby on her laps but that she’s going to start breast-feeding whilst sitting at the table.” It was obviously worth noting that she was Bohemian, only her type would do such an outrageous thing as to have dinner with a baby on her laps (!), let alone then breast feed the infant. He goes on to advise the use of baby-sitters, he should really have advised the use of a wet nurse. ”there she was blatantly disregarding us and all the other diners”, would he have rather than she struck up a conversation with them, introduced herself perhaps? “I think it’s appalling that we, as men, should be forced to accept it.” Hang on a minute there Roshan me old misogynist, what’s this ‘as men’ bit, some women may also find it discomforting. He really gives the whole game away though with his “away from preying eyes” demand, surely he means ‘prying’, but even that implies a furtive watching of the boho woman’s actions. I think he was correct to say ‘preying’, obviously a freudian slip, hunting, exerting a baneful or injurious effect, victimising, sounds like Mr Doug has a major attitude problem toward the female sex. The result of his small-minded, egocentric little piece is to change me from empathising with those who are sensitive to breastfeeding in public to advising them to get their heads around it, after all it is what mammary glands are there for.
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I always found that breastfeeding I was giving highest regards to all the other diners, train passengers, park goers or where ever else I was. I’m sure nobody would have appreciated the constant screaming. I don’t quite get the fuss anyhow, if the woman isn’t an exhibitionist, there’s really nothing to see. And with a baby that feeds a lot and long (there are those extreme cases who can only go a maximum of one hour without being fed) there’s really no option but to do it in all kind of public places. Unless you want to imprison mum and baby in the house for six months and more. Is that what Mr Doug is implying? Or to give him the benefit of the doubt – maybe he simply hasn’t had a baby yet.
Comment by cartside — June 16, 2008 #
cartside – I think Mr Doug would be happiest if children, of any age, were not allowed in public areas! His article gives the impression that he may never have children.
Comment by midwifemuse — June 16, 2008 #
I think we all get to that point when we realize that while it’s nice to be sensitive to other people’s “quirks,” our primary responsibility is to meet the needs of our babies. Wherever we are.
Comment by mother in israel — June 17, 2008 #
Presumably Mr Doug was never a child himself…
Comment by Lucy — June 17, 2008 #
mother in israel – Exactly. The majority of of Mothers who breastfeed whilst out and about do so for their baby, not for their own need to advertise the fact.
Comment by midwifemuse — June 17, 2008 #
Lucy – I’m busy constructing my own images of Mr Doug. They centre around a Victorian looking gent, possibly with a cane and a facial expression that betrays the fact that he is constantly sucking lemons.
Comment by midwifemuse — June 17, 2008 #
I breastfed my son for 14 months, I’m not a hero, just too lazy to do bottles at bedtime!
However, the convenience of him being able to ‘eat’ on the go was great. I often fed him in public and can say that no member of the general public EVER saw any bit of my breast. I fed him everywhere, buses, trains, cafes, restaurants, outdoors, you name it I probably fed him there!
However, if you want to discuss something that really needs to be improved for parents and babies on the go – try looking at changing facilities, URGH!
Comment by Karen — June 17, 2008 #
As you say its what the mammary glands are there for. My attitude has always been that if someone objects to me feeding in public it is thier problem and not mine…they can move away if they don’t like seeing it. And as for seeing my boobies, unless my daughter decides she is going to have a good old nosey at her surroundings and latch off (which she does, requiring a quick pull down of the top) there really is nothing to see. Does Dr Doug object to low cuts tops as well? I’ve seen ladies with low cut tops exposing more boobie in public than I do when I’m feeding.
Comment by Freddie — June 18, 2008 #
Has anyone clicked on the link to One rule for them, http://sepoyagent.wordpress.com/2008/06/15/one-rule-for-them-and-another-for-us-yet-again/ ? The author is moderating comments so here is the comment I left just in case he doen’t publish it!
“Why distasteful? It is not obscene, not done for sexual gratification or monetary gain. It is solely a Mother giving her baby the best possible start in life. Unfortunately it is impossible to accurately predict when a baby will require feeding Do you believe that, until a baby is weaned, a mother should stay at home, or do you feel that it would be better to artificially feed a baby so boosting the profits of baby milk manufacturers. Now that would be distasteful.”
Comment by midwifemuse — June 18, 2008 #
Karen – Some changng facilities are not that bad, John Lewis I like. Mothercare are pretty rubbish though, surprisingly.
Comment by midwifemuse — June 18, 2008 #
I have been nursing my little guy for 8.5 months now and quite frequently in public areas. I have yet to have anyone even look at me cross-eyed. I do wear nursing tops if I know I’m going to be out and try to be as discreet about it as possible but this is more due to the fact that my Smallson is so easily distracted and tends to pull off (not pop, PULL, ouch!) more if he thinks he might be missing something exciting such as someone taking a bite of food or asking for more water
(and for that reason, sometimes I have to go out to the car to feed him)
It is hard for me to fathom those individuals who think breastfeeding is disgusting. Obviously, at its core, it’s mere biology and obviously, for women who breastfeed their babies, it is so much more than biology.
Comment by ~m — June 20, 2008 #
I love the way you refer to ‘the up-front brigade’. I have been searching for a way to politely describe this particular niche of breastfeeding women. It’s like something takes them over and they are so proud of what they are doing that they suddenly need to pop a boob out at every available opportunity, almost like showing off. Sure, it’s our right to feed our babies wherever and whenever we want, but we also don’t have to go out of our way to make others feel uncomfortable while we nurse.
Comment by Lorraine — July 21, 2008 #
Lorraine – The problem is that because of them some people have issues with the concept of breastfeeding full-stop, so they are actually not promoting breastfeeding in a positive way, if at all.
Comment by midwifemuse — July 21, 2008 #
I get so tired of breastfeeding mom’s thinking that they rule the world. I hate to see and hear about breastfeeding mom’s in public. I wish I would see a woman breastfeeding in public I would personally say something. Just because you think you are doing something natural doesn’t mean I have to watch and share your opinion. I think that anytime your private parts are out on display it is wrong and nasty. Plus, I don’t want my young kids seeing you breast feed. There is a time and place for everything. Farting is natural, but you wouldn’t do that in public in the middle of a bunch of people. I think it is part of your attention seeking voyeurism that would allow you to want to expose yourself in public. And as far as not covering your baby up, what is wrong with that? I think a kid would rather his mom have covered up than to go to school and see pics of his mom’s breast in some kids hands. So, please stop infringing on others rights to not have to worry if they will see your saggy breasts or their kids will see your saggy breasts.
Comment by Ryan — August 18, 2009 #
Ryan – You do NOT have ‘to watch’ and, the fact that you seem feel that you would be obligated to do so makes be wonder about your mentality. As you say ‘there is a time’ and you will know that babies choose their own time to feed and that may well be when they are not close to an area where their Mother can feed in isolation. People will only see ’saggy breasts’ if they look, and look intently.
I cannot take your comment seriously, there are so many demonstrations of total ignorance and a desire to outrage, ranging from comparing farting to breastfeeding and using voyeurism in entirely the wrong context (it is the person watching who is the voyeur, not the person being watched and the voyeur generally gets their sexual pleasure from the person they are observing not knowing that they are being watched) that I believe you are either a ‘troll’ or are in need of psychiatric help.
You do seem to be obsessed with ‘watching’, ’seeing’, ‘pics of…breasts’ and generally confusing breastfeeding with a sexual activity, it is not to those who are breastfeeding or to babies who are being breastfed. ‘Wrong and nasty’? Not the breastfeeding Mum but the voyeur.
Comment by midwifemuse — August 18, 2009 #