Letting the Dads in « A Midwife’s Muse

Letting the Dads in

April 14, 2008 at 7:53 pm | In Maternity Services | 4 Comments
Tags: Fathers, Maternity Services

So now, yet another, organisation that wants to decide how the maternity services should be run, The Fatherhood Institute. Apparently we (midwives) don’t do enough to include the fathers in antenatal and postnatal care. We don’t ask questions if a father fails to show for the ante natal appointment and they feel that Fathers should be allowed to stay overnight with their partner and baby on postnatal wards. I’m sure that they are a lovely, caring organisation who are full of wonderful ideas but have they lost touch with reality, do they not read or listen to the media? At a time when the maternity services are struggling to cope with an increase in the birth rate, when units are closing and women are being turned away due to a shortage of beds we are expected to find somewhere for the partners to sleep, wash, pee and poo, I suppose we will have to feed them as well.

Why don’t the majority of fathers attend antenatal appointments? Could it be a question of finances I wonder? Pregnant women have a right to paid time off for all midwife/G.P/hospital appointments, and antenatal classes, their partners don’t.

I especially liked their accusation that “those (partners) that show no interest are not challenged” by us. Yep, I hold my hands up and admit to this, and the question I would ask is ‘what right have I got to challenge the way a couple manage their relationship/responsibilities?’ I can advise a partner, if I see him, that his baby’s mother needs support and help, but “challenge” him? Could be rather counter-productive and may result in me not being allowed back.

All a bit tree-hugging really.

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It was precisely the visitor chucking out time that cemented my husband’s and my decision to leave AMA 6 hours after our son was born. The paed on duty told us that it was “no bother” for me to stay and when we refused, he threatened to call social services on us, just because I refused to stay because my husband was about to be chucked out of the ward. Thank goodness I had a drug-free, intervention free vaginal birth requiring no stitches and a healthy baby who was (and still is at 3 months!) nursing like a champ with good latch. We went home and our son let us sleep in restful 3 hour increments, which we all know is nye on impossible on any ward.

Had I been the partner to a new mum and parent to a newborn, I would have been LIVID to be separated from them especially during those crucial first 24 hours, and after anticipating the birth and baby for 40 weeks.

If it is the “extra work” that you are worried about, and sleeping, eating, pooping and peeing fathers, it wouldn’t be *that* extra, just inform partners that they need to use the public toilets outside the wards, just like before, and that they would need to find their own food and drink. Bedspace then? how about getting rid of the horrid bedside chairs and having a reclining chair with a foot rest for overnight partners–not asking for £££ luxury leather recliners but functional washable ones, and partners bring their own blanket/pillow. Those partners that are willing and wanting to stay with the new mums and babes will also be more likely to quickly attend needs of the mum/babe and thus freeing up midwives to attend those that need specific midwifery cares.

Privacy an issue then? Partners in the ward when other women are getting private cares done? Honestly, the curtains on the wards afford no privacy other than no direct line of sight. everyone hears everything that goes on in the ward room no matter how quiet one tries to be.

I think fathers allowed to be there for as long as they choose is a good idea, a time and in the end, cost saving measure that isn’t at all tree hugger-ish.

Comment by Lizzardbits — April 15, 2008 #

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Lizzardbits – I do sympathise with new partners, and the new Mums, when they find they have to leave soon after the birth (although some Dads are eager to leave!), I have been one of those Mum’s x 3. However, I was writing from the practical point of view. Reclining chairs would be a good idea, they shouldn’t cause a problem with accessibility etc. but they still cost money. They would need to be good quality as they would be used constantly and, to be quite honest, with resources so short the money would be better used on essential equipment. You are commenting from a perspective where everyone is pleasant, unfortunately not everyone is eager to behave in a manner which does not disrupt others. Your husband would be happy to comply with requests not to use the wards facilities, I can promise you that at least 25% of other partners wouldn’t. Equally the presence of ‘visitors’ constantly on the ward, I’m thinking of night-time here, could not help but be disruptive due to conversations, even if they are kept as quiet as possible. Another problem is the Fathers who have gone out to ‘wet the baby’s head’, it is bad enough when they are just there for a couple of hours in the evening, all night would be a disaster for everyone else on the ward. At one of the local birth centres all the women have single rooms and there the partners do stay, and it is wonderful but with open bays/wards there are too many negatives for it to work well. Yes, it would be helpful to the midwives from the support point of view but would create more problems in other areas. What we need are en-suite rooms.
My ‘tree-hugging’ comment was about the whole of the Fatherhood Institute report, they need to spend some time on the ground to understand why health professionals don’t challenge Fathers about their involvement before they castigate us for not telling people how to run their lives. I know from asking the ‘question’ about domestic abuse that people do not take kindly to interference in relationship issues, one of my colleagues was ordered out of a house for this.
Just another thought, what about the couple who already have other children. Surely it is just as important for the Father to be at home with them. Then we have the single Mum’s, will they be allowed to have a companion as this is how it will be perceived.
I have no idea why a paediatrician would threaten you with social service for wanting a 6 hour discharge, perhaps he was new?
Anyway, thank you for your comment. I really do understand where you are coming from and would love to say that Fathers staying is a brilliant idea but given today’s open plan maternity wards, and with the anti-social behaviour of some elements of society, there needs to be a change in how maternty ward accomodation is arranged before it becomes a reality.

Comment by midwifemuse — April 15, 2008 #

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In America most of the hospital post-partum rooms have a recliner chair in them that folds out for the dad to sleep in. Food is not provided for the dad, although he may certainly buy some from the hospital cafeteria. Many (not all) fathers attend prenatal appointments–although they do not get paid time off for this.

I definitely think there are benefits to having fathers involved in the process–benefits immediately for the mom who has someone to “be there” for her, benefits longer term for the relationship between mother and father.

Comment by Jenn Riedy — April 18, 2008 #

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Jenn – You showed immediately how the set-up of postpartum care differs. Here the majority of pospartum accomodation is in wards or bays each with 2, 4, 6 or more beds for the mothers. Few hospitals, other than private or new ones, have single rooms for every mum. Bathrooms are not en-suite, 6 women will generally share a bathroom/shower-room/toilet. The beds are generally approx. 6 ft apart and ‘privacy’ is by a curtain which can be drawn to surround the bed. If you read my reply to Lizzardbits you will see my concerns and that I suggest what is needed is en-suite (single rooms)
Fathers are welcome to attend the antenatal appts, possibly 20% do. Parentcraft classes are open/offered to both parents, it’s up to the men whether they come or not.

Comment by midwifemuse — April 18, 2008 #

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