A Midwife’s Muse

Blow, blow, blow. Reports from daughters suggest that I will not be receiving the pressie that is top of my wish list, the clues I gave to Hubby were; Nicole Kidman; Zoe Ball and her Daddy; brains and eyesight, he is confused and certain that Robbie Williams will not be available (don’t try and understand). All the more annoying as I have received my call-up for duty as an in-patient, and it’s sooner than I had thought, the 1st February. Quick, I need ideas as to how to pass the time when confined to a hospital bed.

Yesterday Amy came round with her over-active imagination. It all began innocently enough, Nanny and Amy sitting reading a book about dinosaurs. Then Amy became entranced by the concept of dinosaurs hatching from eggs, ‘Oh, my little darlings’. With that Grandad’s golf balls were gathered into a velvet hat and their incubation began. After much stroking the ‘little darlings’ hatched and the search for their Mummy and Daddy began. Nanny was ushered to the end of the kitchen and told to call them. Daughter likened this to Jurassic Park, when they tethered the goat to attract the T Rex, I was the sacrificial goat. Suddenly Daddy dinosaur appeared, and he was cross, he wanted food and Nanny, stupidly, gave Amy a rice cake to feed him. I had not anticipated that she would break it up and throw the small pieces down the hall, messy, very messy.

Want attention when you are out shopping? Take twins with you. How to make strangers ask the strangest things, have identical twins, dressed the same. Examples -

• Are they twins?
• Are they the same age?
• Are they identical? Followed by – ‘ Are they both boys’?
• Are they IVF?
• Did you have them naturally?

If it was one baby would a stranger ask how it was conceived or born? Unlikely.